This One Thing Could Save Your Marriage or Relationship

Now nearing on close to 25 years of marriage and I finally figured out one super important thing that at least for myself changed my view on what is expected from me in our marriage. Most men are by default generally happy and we want to be fixers or problem solvers by nature. Women by default want to be understood rather than be fixed, and they predominantly are less happy and secure in themselves. This combination makes for conflict for sure since men want their wife's to be happy and they want to fix everything. That's not really what women are looking for. It's more about understanding and support.

The problem I was having was feeling like I was failing as a husband, because when my wife became unhappy I felt like it was my fault and since most of the issues we have are pretty much the same as they have always been, It must mean I was not doing a good job at fixing any of the ongoing problems.

It kind of becomes this endless loop of one person feeling insecure and unhappy, which can lead to blame on the other person out of frustration in the situation. Then the other person feels responsible and helpless to fix the problem, which causes an over reaction which essentially fuels the situation and makes it all worse.

As I always do when I am at a loss and can not figure out something on my own, I went to the internet to find out what I could learn and I came across a YouTube channel called the "The Happy Wife School" which focuses on women and their inherent level of unhappiness. The channel focuses on women and helping them understand how this can negatively effect a marriage and ways to take ownership and correct it. There is information on the "The Happy Wife School" YouTube channel for men also, but I learned more from watching videos for women which helped me understand better what is going on in their minds. I realized I was taking way too much responsibility for my wife's happiness which was putting a lot of pressure on me since I will never be able to rid my wife of these feeling entirely.

Just understanding this one key point has released me from much of the pressure I was putting on myself in our marriage. Of course I want my wife to be happy, but I now realise this does not come from me being perfect or being the ideal husband. All she really wants is love and security and knowing I am on her side even if we do not see eye to eye or have the ability to fix the situation currently causing us problems.